3 Ways to Build Rapport with a Defiant Student
Kira Sawatzky
3 Ways to Build Rapport with a Defiant Student
Let’s talk about defiance in the classroom. Not the easily identifiable lapse in emotional control or moments of power struggle between a student and teacher. I’m talking about the student in the class who has a clear pattern of refusing to take part in group activities and solo tasks – who automatically says NO to any proposition. Although the diagnosis has received its share of criticism, Oppositional Defiant Disorder is a specific breed of behaviour that can cause an experienced teacher to burn out from frustration. According to Mayes et al (2025), there is a significant correlation between ADHD, Autism, and Oppositional Defiant Disorder. With the rise of diagnoses of ADHD and autism, having an awareness of this type of behaviour and exploring the tools available can help prevent teacher burnout. Let’s explore some of the most effective ways to prevent and correct defiant behaviour in the classroom.
- Collaborative Problem-Solving Conversations
Collaborative Problem-Solving (CPS) Conversations are quick, private exchanges that are set aside to build autonomy and trust between student and teacher (Greene et al. 2004). This method prioritizes the students’ voices and creates relational trust by inquiring and problem-solving as a team. The solution must be realistic and mutually satisfactory. When the student is asked for their input, it creates a sense of freedom and that their opinions and voice are respected – surprisingly, this method can be used with children as young as 3 years old! Sometimes the first solution might not work, and that is to be expected. The key is to come back to the conversation; either the solution wasn’t truly mutually satisfactory, or the student still has unaddressed concerns. As so eloquently put by Dr. Ross Greene – “Showing respect to kids engenders respect”.
2. Pre-correction Check Ins
This preventative strategy requires that teachers become aware of their students’ triggers and weaknesses. Before transitions or activities that are known to trigger the student, schedule quick check-ins to ask how they’re feeling. Some example questions to ask include:
“Does this sound good to you?”
“Hey, we’re about to go for recess. How are you feeling about it?”
“Does group work sound OK today, or would you like to go solo?”
The idea is to prevent oppositional behaviour before it begins, while giving the student some freedom of choice.
3. 2 Minute Relationship Builders
My favourite of all the tactics so far, the 2-minute relationship builder is solely focused on getting to know your student beyond school – it’s time to ditch talk about schedules, rules and expectations. Spend a couple of minutes every day to take your student aside and inquire about what their interests are: sports, pets, friends, hobbies, and music are some ideas of what you could converse about. When students feel like you care about who they are and what their passions are, it’s much easier to obtain mutual respect.
In conclusion, nobody wants to burn out because of one student – and quite frankly, it’s our professional responsibility not to do so. Try these strategies; they offer teachers a practical starting point to complete this crucial work.